Twenty million Americans are faced with caring for both aging parents and young children. In The Sandwich Generation, one family exposes with unflinching candor its emotionally charged account of family caregiving.
Note: Not all comments will be posted due to space and time constraints.
Kely -- San Diego, CA USA
Jul 10, 2008 at 12:03 PM
I am right now considering moving back to Pa to help my mother. she is in her mid-70s and still insists on mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow. While she is extemely active around her house she has fallen and will probably eventually hurt herself. I would not live at her house but close enough to help. She is proud and independent and for right now that's ok, and maybe it will always be ok but I need to be there just in case it isn't. I foresee moving back within the year. Your story will be repeated by many and many need to know it is ok to be a little angry and ok to be a little afraid- but family is just that- FAMILY. thanks for allowing us to share a portion of your life.
Mimi -- West Palm Beach, FL USA
Jul 9, 2008 at 10:31 PM
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story. Herbie is adorable! he sounds like my Mother, we are also a family like yours in many ways. After seeing my husband's gradmother deteriorate in a nursing home, he is more sure everyday that we're doing the right thing-both my parents live w/us (in attached in-law quarters). I am so sorry to hear of Herbie's passing, I was not aware until I watched the second video. God knows you did the right thing!
Diane -- Rockville, MD
Jul 2, 2008 at 3:33 PM
What an inspiring film that you documented of your father. What a special time in each of your lives and the sacrafice you had to give to know that you did the right thing. I am afraid soon that I will have to make the same decision and hope that I have enough courage that you both had.
Raul -- Mazatlan, Sin, Mexico
Jul 2, 2008 at 2:56 PM
A moving experience. Two of my grandparents had dementia as well as my father. My mother has Parkinson now.Thank you for allowing me to mirror my family in your sensational documentary.Thank you for making a respectful and dignified document about a family learning the final stage of life.
Michelle -- Denver, CO USA
Jul 2, 2008 at 11:57 AM
I wish this clip would have mentioned something about the CNA's or (home care helpers) that were seen at the end. Talk about an unappreciated, low-paying, hands-on-job that makes a HUGE difference in the daily care of seniors at home.You think a private CNA is expensive? Try a nursing home where it will not only be more expensive but your loved will not probably not receive the attention they need (or paid for either!)
Brij Bhushan -- New Delhi, India
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:34 AM
My father is 86 years and suffers from multiple age related ailments but is usually high spirited and we still look up to him. We l(a joint family of families of 4 brothers) ive with him in the house he built. It is difficult to say who is taking care of whom. Wishing a longer, conscious togettherness for Herbie and the family and may the inevitable close of innings be peaceful.
Lainey -- Connecticut, USA
Jul 2, 2008 at 9:04 AM
This brings back memories of us aking care of my Dad after his motorcycle accident. He had major head injuries. He went through 5 major operations before dying a few years later. We took care of him, because he was child-like due to brain trauma in the beginning. He also had crying jags and violent bouts, where he'd chase me around the house. He suffered greatly, but was happiest most when at home, not in the hospital. He died of an infection that would be easily taken care of htese days, but wasn't diagnosed in time back in the 1980's. Then we took care of my Mom who had lung cancer at a young age. We watched her go from a self-sufficient Mom into a frail, thin shadow. She was very angry at losing control of everything in life. We were taking care of her, and that just didn't make any sense to her at all. It was heart breaking. Also, our grandfather lived with us inbetween. He had dimentia, but nothing like your Dad. So, I can totally relate and empathize with what you're going through in taking care of your Dad. It's a beautiful story, and you need to keep documenting it. People need to know that this is how we should help the elderly, our parents and relatives. We need to share the wealth and burden of it. There also needs to be accessible resources for families who work full-time, so that they can have help at home; instead of being faced with putting a parent in a nursing home. I know my parents wanted to die gracefully in their own home, with their family close by, and not in some cold, strange place.It warmed my heart to see this, and gives me hope about humanity. Stay strong and know that you are doing the right thing, and even though it is getting more difficult. When it's all over, you will actually look back and be happy you did it and also question why you didn't do more. That's the nature of it.
Sandy -- Evanston, IL, USA
Jul 2, 2008 at 8:38 AM
I see in your film, an annoying arrogance towards Herbie. This reminds me of how much nicer I could have been to my mother in the same time of her life. I was blessed with taking care of my sick mother from 2002 until her death in 2004 at age 89. My instinct is to say, your attitude is totally selfish. All you could think about was how it burdened you to care for Herbie, and what an intrusion it was into your lives. Why didn't you just put him into assisted living and forget about it and go on with your lives. You act as if you are great martyrs. In reality you could have been more thankful of all the gifts Herbie gave you by being there for you in his final years and when you were young.
Elaine -- Western New Jersey
Jul 1, 2008 at 7:33 PM
I cried when I watched this emotional and beautiful piece. I too had been thru a similar situation. Our families worked together to care for my mother. We did all we could and realized we could not do it alone anymore. We needed a facility for her to be cared for 24 hours a day both my sister and I worked fulltime. We made that painful decision . I appreciated that you enjoy time with him but unfortunately this disease is relentless and you need your health and your life.
Ins -- Lisboa, Portugal
Apr 4, 2008 at 10:21 AM
Awesome! Incredible portrait of a common situation. Congratulations.
Marietta Toscano-Chaky -- Ocala, FL
Mar 1, 2008 at 8:50 PM
My mother passed away Feb. 12, 2008. She was 92. I would like to share my mother's words with you. When I asked if she was okay with the decisions I was making for her she placed her hands around mine and said, "Marietta, God placed your hands in mine when you were born and I took care of you and loved you and you trusted me." Here she slipped her hands through mine and said,"Now God has placed my hands in yours and you take care of me and love me. I trust you."There are times when I need to hear that other people feel lost or angry or unsure of themselves while carrying for an aging parent. My grief is new and it's raw but there is no guilt. Thank you for this video. My prayers are with you.
Sam -- Chicago, IL
Jan 28, 2008 at 3:37 PM
I think you all should be very proud of yourselves. You couldn't give a greater gift to Herbie than what you are doing right now. I too laughed at times while watching this; I too needed those laughs to hold back the tears. And I too was blessed with the necessity to care for my mother under identical conditions. My sister and I cared for our mother for 27 years following my father's death. My mother passed away of pneumonia on December 4, 2007 at the age of 86. I know that it is difficult to handle Herbie's daily needs of bathing, dressing, meds, meals, and stimulation. Stimulation was always the hardest for us, but they desperately need to do things... it keeps them in the now. Another difficult aspect of caring for someone with dementia (don't let them tell you it's Alzheimer's,) is the medications the doctors want to put them on. I would be willing to bet less is better in most cases, some meds are downright cruel. There is no cure for dementia, no magic pill. Just a slow fading that continues, sometimes stops, sometimes continues again for awhile. Everyone's different. My mother reached a certain point and kind of stayed there until the end. She always knew who we were, we were lucky for that. She lost her ability to walk, possibly because she became dependent on the wheelchair I requested to protect her from falling.The most important thing I can say is to try and recognize when you've reached your limit, and need a break. You need to take care of yourselves first, to be great caregivers. My sister and I instinctively knew when to take the reins from one another; she was doing more near the end. I have tons of advice; please feel free to ask...Good luck, and God Bless
Wanda Goodwin - Picture Editor- Toronto Star -- Toronto, Canada
Aug 30, 2007 at 5:45 PM
A beautiful moving story told with such honesty.
Di Russell -- Australia
Jun 18, 2007 at 9:19 PM
Thank you for such a tasteful and dignified portrail of an inevitable trend. I only had the privilige of caring for my mum at home for 10 days but I spent six months of tending her in hospital and a frail care facility. It is as you said a hard but worthwhile road. One that you only have one chance of taking.
Renee Herman -- Overland Park, KS USA
Jun 11, 2007 at 9:05 PM
I laughed at times throughout this presentation, mostly because it's so close to home that if I didn't, I'd cry. Laughing felt good...it's always nice to know we're not alone. Our situation is a little different though as this month, I raced home (several states away...because my parents refused to move to our state when they got needy and we just couldn't move there and uproot our family and find my husband a new job) because my mother was "dying"...two weeks later, our son graduated from HS. Ugh...two major losses are staring me in my face...my mom, the parent I was hoping to have support me when our child left home for college...and our son, who is a great support especially when it comes to being kind and tender about grandma. Truly, as my parents are in their 70's, I never, ever thought I'd be in this "sandwich" mode...yet here I am. Oh how I miss the strength of those who used to support me! Thanks for sharing your story...you are an amazing family! God bless you! I believe in the wisdom of scripture to "honor your father and mother that it will go well with you..." and surely this is what I pray for your family!All I can think to ask is "has the filling for your favorite sandwich spread changed?" I used to like PBJ...maybe egg salad with a bit of chopped pickle fits me better these days...all I know is that some days, I only know that I hate sandwiches no matter the filling!
No name -- no address
Apr 29, 2007 at 10:14 AM
I am a single divoiced female who is caring for my 92 year old grandmother and my 12 year old daughter. I worked full time as a Ombudsman who advocates for peolpe who live in nursing homes and personal care homes. I can relate to how Julie feels however, I do not have anyone to share the responsibility with as Julie does. I am looking for support groups to talk with. None of my friends are in my situation, therefore they do not understand how stressed I am.
Michael Lange -- Vibrorg, Denmark
Apr 25, 2007 at 3:40 AM
Thank you, I cried. Thank you!
Susan Ito -- Oakland, CA, USA
Feb 12, 2007 at 9:01 AM
I cried when I watched this film. It was so moving to me. My 84 year old mother is living with me, my husband and two daughters and although it is challenging and complicated on so many levels, I wouldn't have it any other way. (we moved her from NJ to CA to be with us instead of moving to her) The tenderness that this family showed toward Herbie was so moving. I write a column called Life in the Sandwich which chronicles our own journey together. Thank you for your work. Thank you so much.
Kathy Zimmerman -- Portland, OR, USA
Jan 22, 2007 at 11:50 PM
I appreciate so much your candid honesty in telling your story. I am a graduate student at George Fox University and formulating a research question on the Sandwich generation. My heart is drawn to the compassion, the sacrifice, and the stress and worry adult children of aging parents face when trying to determine what is best for your parents, your children, your marriage relationship and your lives. I was moved by your story. I would like to share it with the research team I will be working with if you do not mind. Blessings, Kathy
Monica Ferraro -- Quincy, MA, USA
Jan 8, 2007 at 8:31 PM
Moving , so emotional. I am giving a talk to a group of professional women on the "sandwich generation." May I play the video as it is so descriptive? Thank you.
Jennell -- Santa Rosa, CA, USA
Dec 15, 2006 at 12:43 AM
Thank you...I am a 34 year old woman, soon to be mother of 3. My mother, one of 14 children, age 54 is trying to hold down her full time job, be a wife and keep my 86 year old grandmother in her own home. I am watching my mother's struggles and am so saddened. My grandmother had 14 children and all but 3 live near by. And all but 2 want her in a home (facility). My mother spends every weekend, sleeps at her house 2-3 times a week, and has hired many live in caregivers; my aunt does the other days with her two children in tow. (This has been going on for over 4 years now and each year grandmas health weakens.) The other 12 siblings have either checked out or want to move my grandmother away from her home and put her in a home/hospital 4 hours away. It will come to a head this Christmas....As there will be a "family" meeting. My question is: How do you deal with siblings? And how can a validate my mother and auntie...I am so worried about their health...Thank you so much for this fabulous documentary, as I feel it is a validation for these two special women to see that they are not alone and that they are doing the right thing. Hang in there! What you are showing your children is truly beautiful. Happy Holidays.
Clarice Lechner-Hyman -- Edgewater, Florida, USA
Dec 14, 2006 at 12:17 PM
My sincerest regards to the entire family in this difficult situation. You are living the best lesson your children could learn in life . You are "growing your souls" all of you. I am an 84 year old retired nurse caring for my 97 year old husband at home. I have wonderful help now and can count on my children, not his, to relieve me at times. I am grateful each day that he can still dress himself, get his breakfast and read the NY Times. He wants to live!!!! May you learn to take enough time so that you can keep patient and loving in spite of all the stress!
Esther Pennarts -- Holland, Netherlands
Nov 6, 2006 at 6:19 AM
What a great film about Herbie, so realistic and so emotional, we are in the middle of almost the same situation. We are dividing the care for my father with caretakers organisation here in the village and a lot of volunteers. He is still living in his own house 80 years old, he has no Alzheimer but is almost blind, lost my mum and have a kidney insufficiency problem. With four children we are constantly searching for the balance between work, children, friends and taking care of our dad.
I think these kind of films must be shown often, so everybody could learn from it. More people getting older and less money goes to the care/health organisations here in this country!
Thank you for making this film, we are inspired by your work, thanks!! I will send the url to a lot of friends here in Holland.
Kind regards Esther Pennarts
Bob Stewart -- Toronto, Canada
Oct 25, 2006 at 7:52 PM
This is a remarkable account of aging, and ultimately, the human condition. Julie and Ed are especially well suited to tell this story and they have done so with honesty, integrity and above all, love. This is not only photojournalism and film making at its very best, it's about living. It's also about acknowledging and celebrating a meaningful life. Well done.
Daryl Moen -- Columbia, MO, USA
Aug 1, 2006 at 11:21 AM
This is a real story told with love and pain. Because it is unvarnished, it has more impact. I wish everyone could see and hear it.
Barbara -- Gdynia, Poland
Jul 27, 2006 at 9:16 AM
Amazing piece. I am really moved. Although where I come from - Eastern Europe - it is absolutely normal and expected from you to take care of your parents when they grow old. The movie and photos showed in the beautiful and honest way all the aspects of having an old, weak but still wonderful parent at your home.
Nicholas Weissman -- Los Angeles, California, USA
Jul 26, 2006 at 1:54 PM
Mr. Kashi spoke at Brooks Institute of Photography two years ago and words cannot express how impactful he was on my journalism career. He spoke about travelling to Europe to photograph the streets that his grandparents grew up on as well as the Aging in America piece. I appreciate more than anything that the two of you have taken the tabboo of the elderly and embraced it in order to bring people back to their family roots.
Jane Menyawi -- Washington D.C. USA
Jul 26, 2006 at 11:31 AM
Powerful, important, compationate. All of the good things that story telling can do - it evokes emotion - pain and joy and tells simple truths - plus the intimacy of a very difficult, personal, inevitable experience. Bravo to the Kashi family!
Rick Friedman -- Boston, MA, USA
Jul 26, 2006 at 10:24 AM
An incredibly well done, emotional piece that hits close to home for many of this generation.
David Farmerie -- Nashville, Tennessee, USA
Jul 25, 2006 at 10:28 PM
The quality of the material on MediaStorm is never less than incredible. This piece, by Winokur and Kashi, upholds that tradition with flying colors. It is engaging, informative, and, most of all, a true, unfiltered window into the lives of these people.This piece is one that needs to be seen in every media outlet available.
I think these kind of films must be shown often, so everybody could learn from it. More people getting older and less money goes to the care/health organisations here in this country!
Thank you for making this film, we are inspired by your work, thanks!! I will send the url to a lot of friends here in Holland.
Kind regards Esther Pennarts